All I Want is Death
by Manco
Summary: AU. Jagged Fel has committed murder. But why? Mara Jade tracks him down and finds out the truth.


**Be prepared. This is a very dark fic with some contraversial stuff in it. Probably will be my only contraversial fic. But yeah this is pretty dark stuff. I hope you all like it.**

* * *

This was it. He was here. Mara Jade could feel his presence inside the old rustic looking cabin. She had tracked Jagged Fel all the way to Ando Prime. And now...she finally has him.

Slowly she approached the cabin door and gripped tightly on the handle of her blaster pistol. She stopped before the door, took a deep breath, reached her hand out, and gently turned the door handle. Like a predator, she violently pushed open the door and leaped inside with her blaster aimed at the person not too far from her.

"Put your hands up!" shouted Mara Jade.

Jagged Fel, standing beside a circular wooden table, had his back turned on Mara and didn't even attempt to turn around.

"Madame Skywalker?" asked Fel, a frown on his face.

"You know my voice, Fel. Now put your hands up. You're under arrest." Mara replied bitterly.

Jag didn't move a muscle. A few seconds passed before he responded: "Interesting...I knew the Jedi would send someone..."

He turned around and added. "I just never would've guessed that it would be you."

Mara smirked. "Wow. Mr. Know It All couldn't see me coming. You must be losing your touch, Fel. Or maybe I'm just too damn good at being unpredictable."

"Obviously, it's my final mistake." said Jag.

"You got that right. Now be a good little soldier and put your hands up or I'll-"

"Blast me?" Jag said with an emotionless look on his face. "Go right ahead. I won't stop you."

Mara frowned with confusion but kept her blaster aimed at Jag.

"I don't know what your game plan is, but it's not going to work. I'm bringing you in alive even if I have to drag your lousy ass all the way back to the ship." said Mara.

"You're not going have much of choice except to blast me. Besides," Jag pulled a wooden chair from the table and sat down. "It's what I want."

Mara, a frown still on her face, crept over to where Jag was sitting. She stopped two meters from him and pointed her blaster at his head. There was a long silence that followed. Neither one spoke a word.

Mara lowered her blaster to her side and stared daggers at Jag.

"Why did you do it?" Mara asked.

Jag looked into her eyes briefly then turned his gaze downward. He sighed and said. "I guess I better tell you...since these are the last minutes of my life."

* * *

**~FOUR DAYS EARLIER~**

Jag, an emotionless look on his face, sat quietly near the high Mon Calamarian cliff side gazing off at the deep blue ocean in the distance. He sighed and looked down at the small white box he held in his hands. Inside contained the item that symbolized marriage...the item that he wanted to present to the woman he loved. But that opportunity...the woman he loved...was taken from him.

Suddenly he heard what sounded like a young man weeping. He turned around and saw a very familiar looking young man. He had short dark brown hair, sky blue eyes, and was wearing brown Jedi attire. The young man was now standing on the edge of the cliff with tears streaming down his face.

Jag knew what he was about to do.

"That's not exactly the best way to die, Jedi Solo." said Jag.

Anakin didn't look at Jag. He kept his eyes pointed downward at the bottom of the large cliff.

"Don't even try to stop me, Jag." said Anakin.

"I'm just saying it's not the best way to go...too messy and all." replied Jag.

Anakin sniffed and didn't say a word.

"By the way, why are you so eager to...you know?" asked Jag.

"That's none of your business." Anakin said in a low tone.

"Well since you just so happened pick the spot where I'm sitting at to kill yourself, I think I have some right to know why I'm about to watch you end your life."

Anakin wiped his nose and stared down the cliff. There was a long silence but Anakin broke the silence by saying: "They betrayed me...she betrayed me."

Jag, a frown on his face, stood up and asked. "Who?"

"I loved her...I thought...I thought she felt the same about me." Anakin said in a weak tone.

"Are you speaking of Jedi Veila?"

Anakin didn't reply. His silence was what answered Jag's question.

"I don't get it. I thought you two were close." said Jag, folding his arms.

"So did I." replied Anakin, his tone full of sorrow.

Jag, a thoughtful look on his face, looked at the ground for a minute and walked until he was three meters behind Anakin.

He then turned eyes upward to Anakin and asked. "What happened?"

Anakin sniffed and Jag could see that the young man was trying to fight back more tears.

"She...she and...."

_Anakin smiled as he walked down the hallway that lead to Tahiri's quarters. He had just returned from a long mission and was now ready to spend some much needed time with the one he loved._

_Anakin stopped and sighed as images of Tahiri filled his mind. Her long blonde hair, her gorgeous green eyes, her wonderful smile; oh how he couldn't wait to embrace her in his arms and tell her how much he loved her._

_Anakin's smile widened as he started towards her quarters. He knew she was going to be happy to see him. Whenever he came to see her she always leaped into his arms and gave him a big kiss on the cheek._

_Anakin stopped before her quarters and knocked. There was no reply. He knocked again. And there was still no reply. He knocked three more times and still no one came to the door._

_"Hmm." said Anakin, a frown on his face._

_He looked at the console near the door and pressed on it. The door before him slid open and slowly he entered. He looked around noticed that she was nowhere in sight. He took two steps then stopped. He looked down and saw two utility belts on the floor. Because he recognized the designs of the lightsabers on the belts, he knew that one of the belts belonged to Tahiri and the other belonged to Jacen._

_Anakin, a look of confusion on his face, stared up and looked around the room again. He walked towards an open doorway, strolled through it, and made his way down the hall._

_"Tahiri?" asked Anakin._

_When he came to her bedroom, the bedroom door was open and gave him a clear view on what was happening inside. Anakin couldn't believe what he was seeing._

_On Tahiri's bed, he saw a shirtless Jacen Solo on top of Tahiri kissing her hungrily. Both of them were unaware that he was standing there and from what Anakin could see, they were too wrapped up in their passionate moment to care about their surroundings. As soon as Anakin saw Tahiri unbuttoning her shirt, he shook his head, quickly backed away, and ran down the hallway._

_Tears streamed down his eyes as he exited her living quarters. He felt like his heart had been stabbed repeatedly by an aphistaff. All the happiness he had felt was replaced with hurt and sadness._

_Anakin, his crying becoming heavier, ran down the Academy's halls. He didn't care anymore. He didn't care about anything._

"Hmph." said Jag. "That is sad. I would've never guessed that those two would become lovers."

Anakin slowly turned around and faced Jag. Jag saw in Anakin's face a mixture of sadness and anger.

"I hate them...I hate them for what they did...and yet..." said Anakin.

"You still love them. Especially Tahiri...am I correct?" replied Jag.

Anakin slowly nodded. "It's...it's crazy because I hate them and love them at the same time. They knifed me in the back...and I still love them."

"But you can't stand to see them together. The memories of seeing them making love haunt your mind to the point you say 'enough is enough'. So finally, you seek death to end it all. Correct?"

Anakin frowned in confusion. "Yes...but how did you-"

"Because I came here to do the very thing you want to do. We are very much alike, Jedi Solo. Our scenarios are identical. Ironic...isn't it?"

"What happened to you?"

Jag held up the white box. "Your sister is what happened."

Anakin frowned and wiped some tears from his eyes. "Wait a minute, I thought you and my sister-"

"So did I!" Jag said bitterly. "But I found her with another...that Zekk fellow. Interesting how life throws unfortunate twists at a man."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be...you and I are two gentlemen betrayed by our loved ones and seek the end of our internal suffering."

Anakin closed his eyes. "I'm trying to...just let me jump."

"So you can die like that." Jag shook his head. "The great Anakin Solo deserves better."

Anakin opened his eyes and stared at Jag with a frown. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about dieing with dignity. I was going to do the same thing: jump. But then I asked myself 'do I really deserve to go out like this?'. After surviving so many battles and getting betrayed by the woman I love, do I really deserve to have my body splattered all over a bunch of rocks?"

Anakin looked at Jag incredulously. "Jag, you idiot. We're trying to kill ourselves here, this isn't about dignity and image!"

"In the end, it is. Think, Anakin? Do you want to be remembered as a great Jedi who in the end became a suicidal? Or be remembered as a Jedi fighting to the last breath against a soldier turned assassin?"

The last sentence made Anakin take a step back. "What do you mean by that last part?"

Jag folded his arms. "I have an idea where we both win. Where in the end, we will get what we want...and the terrific thing about it is that it will not be done by suicide."

"Uh, Jag...I'm starting to think you're a little..."

"If I was, I wouldn't have the capability to come up with a plan like this. You do want to die, don't you?"

Anakin looked down for a minute. He looked up, a sad expression on his face, and nodded.

"I love Tahiri...I can't stand to see her with...my brother...I just want...I just want the memories and the pain to stop."

Jag gave an understanding nod.

"What do you propose?" asked Anakin.

"Simple." Jag pulled out his blaster pistol. "Let me blast you."

"What!?"

"But we make it look like you were in a battle. Pull out your lightsaber, activate it, and let me blast you."

Anakin frowned and shook his head.

"You get what you want and that's death. The Jedi will think you died in battle so that will make your death more dignified. Plus I get what I want because one of those Jedi will surely kill me...and I will go down fighting." said Jag.

"This is...this is crazy." said Anakin.

"But you must admit...it's better than falling."

Anakin sighed and looked over his shoulder at the bottom of the cliff.

"So what will it be, Jedi Solo?" asked Jag.

As Anakin stared at the rocky but watery bottom, images of Tahiri and Jacen about to make love filled his head. He closed his eyes, a tear slowly sliding down his right eye. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't shake off the memories. There was only one way.

Anakin opened his eyes and looked at Jag. Anakin reached down, unhooked his lightsaber, and switched it on.

"Do it." said Anakin.

* * *

**~THE PRESENT~**

Mara just stared at Jag with disgust.

"So you killed him." Mara said in a low but deadly tone.

"Understand. I did it for him. He wanted to die. If I didn't do it, he would've found some other more tasteless way to end his life." said Jag.

"You lousy piece of bantha crap." said Mara, her tone rising. "You could've stopped him! Persuaded him to not go through with it! Instead you assisted him!"

"Madame Skywalker, why would I prevent Anakin from achieving the very thing that I seek?"

An incredulous look formed on Mara's face.

"I gave him what he wanted. He wanted his suffering to end so I helped him end it. What? You wanted him to live on depressed, lonely, and in pain?" Jag asked as he folded his arms.

"He didn't deserve to die! He deserved..." Mara looked down and Jag could tell the woman was now on the verge of tears.

"Better? I can agree with that. But," Jag paused then added nonchalantly. "Life isn't always fair."

"Why didn't he come to me?" Mara whispered.

Jag frowned. "I beg your pardon?"

Mara glared at Jag and said in a venomous tone. "Get up...I'm taking you in."

"I'm afraid not, Madame Skywalker." Jag pulled out his blaster from its holster and pointed it at Mara. "You only have two options: you either fight me and give me my dignified death or die. Very simple."

Mara, her blaster still at her side, took a step back but kept her eyes on Jag.

"I'm not giving you the satisfaction." said Mara.

Jag stood up with a dark look on his face. "As of right now, the galaxy considers me a soldier turned killer. Now if you don't have the guts to do me in, I guess I'll just continue on as a killer until the Jedi can send someone willing to give me death."

"You know...I heard of men not taking rejection well...but this is just plain out ridiculous, Fel."

"I loved Jaina...I thought she loved me...but she betrayed our love. Without her, the only thing I now want...is a death worthy of remembrance."

"You're insane."

"So what are you going to do, Madame Skywalker? Give me death or embrace it yourself?"

Mara took several deep breaths. She had hoped he'd come in peacefully...but obviously...

"You want death, Fel?" asked Mara.

Jag placed his other hand on his blaster.

"You can have it." said Mara.

In the blink of an eye, Mara lifted her blaster up at Jag and they both fired their weapons. Mara, unscathed, stared at Jag as he clutched at the smoky burnt wound on his chest. He dropped to his knees and looked up into Mara's eyes.

He smiled and said. "Thank you."

His eyes closed and he fell to the ground dead. Mara sighed, shook her head, and placed her blaster back in its holster. She slowly walked over, stopped, and stared at Jag's body.

"Damn you...it didn't have to end like this." Mara said in a low tone.

* * *

Mara opened the cabin door and stepped out on to the snow. She took three steps then stopped and stared blankly at the miles of ice and snow before her. Images of the times she and Anakin were together swept through her mind. The times they trained, the missions they accomplished, the evenings they shared; all of it was just appearing in her brain. She missed him...and more than anything she wanted to punch Tahiri in the face for what she did.

"If only you chose me instead of her, Solo...you would've never wanted death. Your heart would've never been broken."

**~END~**

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**I told you it was dark. I hope you all enjoyed it.  
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